When I was a kid I used to play and kid ,
No team , no dream.
When I was 18
No team , no dream.
When I was 18
I had my team ,
I had my dream.
Wish to fulfill those dreams !
I stopped dreaming in nights ,
I stopped crying in fights ,
I had no choice to act like a mad
I had no choice to be sad
It was about time
I saw a dream with open eyes ,
I had the dream in my eyes ,
I kept the dream in my eyes ,
I did everything for the dreams in my eyes
Now I am the eyes of a million poor people.
Now I have a satisfaction of helping people.
I lived my life
I am 60 Now
I got another dream last night
When I opened my eyes
It was Heaven.
It was really a Heaven..!
-- अक्षय ठाकुर "परब्रह्म"
Wish to fulfill those dreams !
I stopped dreaming in nights ,
I stopped crying in fights ,
I had no choice to act like a mad
I had no choice to be sad
It was about time
I saw a dream with open eyes ,
I had the dream in my eyes ,
I kept the dream in my eyes ,
I did everything for the dreams in my eyes
Now I am the eyes of a million poor people.
Now I have a satisfaction of helping people.
I lived my life
I am 60 Now
I got another dream last night
When I opened my eyes
It was Heaven.
It was really a Heaven..!
-- अक्षय ठाकुर "परब्रह्म"
15 comments:
Very Good job ..Dreams and their part in driving us ..And of course the need to excel...The drive to succeed.
the need to be appreciated , the need to give back..
You have brought all of this out very well..
Keep it up
hmmmmmmmm.................nice thoughts..it is something very interesting to see people growing up.It makes you emotional........good going.....
very nicely penned down.. bahut acha laga padhke.. keep writing.. god bless you
Prabhakar
Okay Akshay, one suggestion, as you asked.. You wrapped all things in the poem very fast. Give some more depth at each stage, means when as a kid, add few more stanzas to spice up the emotions and feelings.. khatam karne mein jaldi mat karo, chalne do jitna lamba jaye, jitna time lage apne manobhawo ko utarne mein.. :) keep writing..
=P .,., great work to start with.,.!! I am sure you will improve as you go further. :) .,. Keep posting,., !!
hi akshay.the poem was good
nicely done
its great that u started something like this its great to pen down ones thoughts and feeling
as u asked my advice to u is give more depth to your words keep them simple for every1 to understand yet give depth to each feeling you want to express
dont just wrap it up dont b in a hurry
go slowly but with emotional depth n and dont make it too long so people get bored reading wat u have is good all it requires is more of emotions
and life is full of it
@ Arjun Bhaiyya
Thanks a lot for your valuable comments. :)
@Manas Bhaiyya
Yeah , you are right and Thanks.. :)
@ Vaishali
Thank You..! I will keep posting. :)
@ Prabhakar Bhaiyya and Roma
Hmm , I got my mistakes. Thanks a lot ..! :)
Ur:) thought touch the heart...
I say...Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Likho To Blogs Kuch Aisa Likho Ki Keypad Bhi Rone Pe Majbur Ho Jaye
Lafzon Mein Woh Dard Bhardo Ki ladkiya Milne Pe Majbur Ho Jaye
awee ... soo sweet :) ... specially the end ... Do dream with an Open eye Chotu :) .. thats what makes a difference between Heaven and Hell ( and am not taking about after-life )
very nice attempt....it dream for everyone to give words to their feeling and word for something they want to express...its not easy to produce in nice manner...very nice...bst of luck..
nice....
simple yet honest...
touched my heart!
keep it up dear!
Very Nice !
Its a nice work........You have very good writing skills. keep it up..You have summarized the life of people in well method.. Its a g8 work..
Wow....
You Just Explained Entire Life In Few Lines...
Brilliant
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